As my previous blog I wrote talked about rejection, this is expanding a bit on that, particularly when it comes to the subject of boundaries. Because of past rejection, most people feel guilty, ashamed, afraid, or anxious after setting a boundaries. I think the most prevalent feeling, however, is guilt.
If you set a boundary for yourself or your child, you are distancing yourself from someone in order to better care for yourself and your family. The person you set the boundary with may react in anger because their power is being taken away. This anger and the words that accompany it may provoke feelings of extreme guilt, sometimes so great that you give in and take away the boundary you formed in the first place.
Most survivors of trauma, children included, are people pleasers and struggle with insecurity. This makes boundary setting extremely difficult, especially if past attempts have failed, leaving one feeling guilty and rejected.
Yet there is hope. The more we practice setting boundaries, the more successful we become at keeping them, and the more healthy we also become. Guilt and rejection are never meant to be permanent. Instead of saying “Guilt with Boundaries” let’s say “Hope with Boundaries!”